Ce La Vie
by Anora-the-Dreamer
Summary: The attempts to capture Methuselah keep getting weirder, as do the conversations. And through the odd misunderstandings our favorite pair gets steadily closer...
1. Part I

**Ce La Vie**

**Summary: **The attempts to capture Methuselah keep getting weirder, as do the conversations. And through the odd misunderstandings our favorite pair gets steadily closer...

Here is something that really bugs me: What the hell is with Rain's hair? It goes from brown, to white, to GREEN, to white again, and then back! Can someone just make up their mind?

**Part I: The Blue Dress**

In reality, her first instinct was to scowl, turn red, and sulk.

However, after one moment she decided the situation was so very funny and the likelihood of Rain going off with her (Actually, this was a point of interest. The human in a dress in question had an overly pronounced Adam's apple) were fairly low, she just started laughing. Laughing until she almost dropped her weapon. Laughing until she had to hold her stomach.

You see, a tall gangly black-haired creature had been following them for roughly an hour. Obviously, he thought he was being terribly clever, diving behind a bush (you could still see the hem of the ugly blue dress he was wearing), or, better yet, just curling up in a little ball on the side of the road whenever Machika so much as looked that way.

'Stalked by a cross dresser,' she thought wearily, 'this is a first.'

Yet the fool had shown no sign of having a weapon, and; from what Machika understood, it would probably take a hundred cannons to even slow the immortal down.

As for the immortal in question, he had been walking very deliberately, in a straight line, and acted as though being followed around by men in lipstick was a day-to-day experience. Well, in truth, he probably had seen weirder things in his time. Someone really ought to ask him sometime, why'd, he'd probably seen juggling pigs and marshes that murmured when you got too close.

'Until that day, I suppose,' she thought, 'until that day.'

"Rain," she said mildly, "what do you think would've happened is Zol hadn't died?"

For just a moment the mask shattered and his eyebrows shot up. The next moment a slight smile had appeared on his face. "Very different."

Machika puffed up her cheeks in irritation. "How so?"

"I would have him following me right now instead of the man with the lovely dress." (An anguished cry could be heard in the distance, and the cross dresser started running at them plainly with the intent to tackle Rain.) He said this as though it was plain as grass.

The man picked up speed and was getting closer every second, revealing wild eyes, badly caked-on lipstick, a blue dress covered with yellow daffodils, moisturized hands, nails painted hot pink, and a hair full of ribbons.

With a victory yell, he launched himself at Rain, while Machika stared, Kiki sat on her shoulder with what can only be described as a smirk decorating her face, and Rain...

Stepped to the side and jutted out his foot.

The cross-dresser/stalker flew through the air and did a face plant.

So. That problem had practically solved itself.


	2. Part II: The CafePart III

**C'est La Vie**

Thank you people for the reviews. Yeah, I've seen it spelled c'est la vie, and ce la vie. Go figure.

**Part II: The Cafe**

The next day saw them staring at the town post, staring at both of their faces on wanted posters.

It was really very foolish of them to come into such a big town, but hell, even immortals like to eat.

After all, how much could a fourteen-year-old girl with a scythe and a six-foot-tall man with waist-length hair stick out? As a matter of fact, I'm fairly certain everyone with an IQ above fifty knows the answer to that question. But hungry people aren't terribly bright either.

So they walked down the street ignoring the weird looks and tourists fumbling for cameras, for they had found something wonderful. A cheap cafe. And somehow they had gotten a hold of money (well, maybe it had something to do with a pervert and the blunt end of a scythe, but this is only a theory).

So they straggled in, took seats at a rickety table whilst a chubby woman, she was in her mid-thirties and she was her typical good mother type, bustled over. She gave them a sweet smile, and handed them faded menus that were worn around the edges.

Noting their blank expression and growling stomachs, she asked happily, "Well, what can I get for you?"

They took a moment to have a 'conversation,' which consisted of deciding upon a meal through various looks.

"Two orders of waffles and orange juice," said Machika in a detached voice.

She beamed at them. "Well, isn't that sweet," she crooned in the voice of a woman who had been married a very long time, "You two are just the cutest!"

Twitch, twitch.

Well. _That_ certainly wasn't the comment they were expecting.

'Cute' was not the first thing you thought when you looked at Machika. Possibly 'why the hell does that chick have a scythe,' or 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' but never cute.

And Rain...Well, the only person who ever thought he was cute was pretty much Machika. In all honestly Kiki liked the taste of his hand and no one else had really gotten that good of a look at him.

Twitch, twitch.

Their brains slowly processing what the woman just said they had the appropriate reactions: stutter wildly, look at each other, turn bright red and look at the floor.

Finally Machika managed to get out, "Um...we're not...we've never..."

To which the waitress replied with a knowing smile and a wink.

They just turned redder.

**Part III: The Drunkard**

"You know," a long arm waved around chaotically, and an eye narrowed in the direction of Kiki. "You were never very nice to me."

The three eyed cat-rabbit just stared. "But you really ought to be." Rain puffed out his chest as though this was something to be proud of, and then declared happily. "You're younger than me. So I'm your elder."

He took a moment to chug yet another shot and giggle like a maniac.

"Who is older than me?" He bellowed loudly, despite random fellow drunkards yelling "You suck!" or "Rock on, sister!" At this time he took a 'dramatic pause,' and keeled over off the barstool.


	3. Part IV: The Robbers

Well, thank you to my most recent reviewer who actually convinced me to write this. Sorry if it's kind of short and sucky. I haven't updated in forever, 'cause I've kind of lost interest but I want to see if I still can.

Ce La Vi Chapter Three: Robbers

Well, she really ought to have known. All of common sense, logic and a bunch of old proverbs no one really gave a damn about said what exactly was coming.

The movement is those bushes were not, as Rain continually insisted just her imagination or a herd of irate squirrells. Huh. So _this_ is what came of listening to _him._

She glared and he smiled calmly if they were on a picnic.

"Rain," she whispered as she chewed on her bonds slowly."I think we're being robbed."

"Yep!" The Immortal seemed nothing less than cheerful about this. Well...One of the proverbs in question: Misery loves company. The self-proclaimed assasin lunged, her only regret that her weapon was out of her reach.

"Well...erm...I guess we could...torture them...?" The deeper voice spoke hesistantly.

"No good. I don't like blood."

"Um...Starvation?"

"Well, judging by that girl's chest I'd say they're used to it."

Machika growled and the big one with a booming voice thought. He tried to come up with the most horrendous, ghastly, and horrible torture that didn't involve blood or screaming as it turned out neither of them really liked loud noises either.

"Ah-ha!" His eyes lit up. "My sister's singing!"

The other gasped. "That's just..._mean_."

Thus the captors sat down, just as defeated as their hostages. The slightly smaller one started sniffling.

Very quietly, Rain broke both of their ropes and dug through his pack speculatively.

"Would either of you like to go to lunch?"

The girl just smiled slightly, sort of glad that some things were so predictable.


	4. Part V

So this note was completely superfluous when I started writing this series, but this is set before that whole fiasco at Gargantua (Volume 3) and is just supposed to be silly and fun, not referencing all of that heavy stuff that happened later. Also, I don't really write much of this stuff anymore 'cause I'm working on my own novel (!).

Chapter IV

Today, she was going to brush his hair. She'd declared those intentions loudly and as soon as they'd occurred to her, unlike other notions concerning...other issues between them. Not that they had issues. Or anything between them. Except air, of course, and...

It occurred to her then that when you were telling your own brain to shut up, it was probably time for a nap.

He had looked down at her (from what other direction could he look at her, really?) and asked her why, of course.

"Because it's tangled." She'd answered, refusing to give him more words.

So he sat cross-legged and she stood straight up with a purloined comb and started at the very tips, the bits of hair he'd nearly sat on.

She gave it a good yank and he'd winced, slightly, despite the fact that absolutely none of his internal organs were pertruding that day. "Sorry," she'd whispered, despite herself, and blushed to realize that one of the very last things she wanted was his pain.

He'd shrugged.

"Shut up, brain, shut up," she'd muttered then.

"Did you say something?" He'd asked.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." His pants were going to get dusty, sitting on the ground like this, out in the desert. Was she really and truly incapable of thinking about anything else? Well, there was also that her knees were against his back. He was warm and...

"Machika, how do you think that you'll kill me?" Her current train of thought was derailed violently.

She thought for a moment, her hands on his locks paused. "I don't even know how to shoot a gun, so not that."

He nodded his agreement. "It's quite painful and messy."

"Do you think you'll want an open-casket funeral? Because we might have to think of something unconventional, then." She went over the words in her head again. Someday, he was going to die and she was going to have to keep living. She found the notion insufferable and immediately forced her brain to think about pastries instead.

"No, I don't think that matters at all. Who would come to my funeral, anyway?" His hands were stroking his chin pensievely.

"Me," she said ignoring the image of herself in a black dress and him in the ground with all of her might. Chocolate eclairs, she thought, pumpkin tarts. "Ayla. The doctor."

"Under no circumstances allow him to have my body."

She smiled a bit, his hair she had brushed his hair up to the nape of his neck. Which, unfortunately for her sanity, involved touching the nape of his neck. Cream puffs, she forced the image on her brain, apple pie. "Done. Do you want to be cremated?"

"Yes," he nodded thoughtfully. "If it's not too much trouble, maybe you could sprinkle my ashes somewhere warm? Maybe somewhere with flowers?"

Baklava. "I'm sure I'll manage," she told him and then repeated it, for her own benefit. Then, without her consent, her mouth continued speaking. "I suppose I might miss you."

"Really?" His ears were lightly tinged pink.

"It's possible, certainly."

"Huh. Why is that?"

"Dunno. I suppose...that I'm just used to having you around."

"Would you like to know something?"

Machika shifted uneasily. "I guess."

"I might just miss you too."

"Hunh." She choked on air. "Your hair is brushed."

Maybe it would go away. Soon. It had to.


End file.
